It may seem harsh, but ‘Big Nose Loser’ is House Crazy Sarah’s nickname for herself and her siblings. They started calling each other that when they were teenagers and their nasal cartilages started popping out at alarming rates. (‘BNL’ for short.)
The larger sized noses are an unfortunate family trait. House Crazy Sarah has considered having hers loped off but such a procedure comes at a considerable cost that no insurance company would cover. On top of having a larger than average snout (and that is what it feels like – a horse’s snout!) she has probably broken it at least once in her checkered past. Not from any raucous bar fights or anything exciting like that, but from cleaning the toilet.
Yes House Crazy Sarah broke her nose and knocked herself out while cleaning the toilet. (She cleans rather zealously.) She was scrubbing away intently when she lost her balance and over-compensated and thrust her full body weight in the opposite direction to keep her from falling. Instead, she lunged nose-first into the door jam and next thing she knew, she was on the floor with little stars and birdies flying above her. Her nose was bleeding from both the inside and the outside, so she figures it’s pretty likely that she broke her schnozzle.
She didn’t bother going to the doctor because 1) she lives in the United States and going to the doctor is a luxury item; and 2) her sister once broke her big nose playing rugby (in Canada) and she did go to the doctor but the doctor said it would heal up on its own. Of course it didn’t heal properly and House Crazy Sarah’s sister now has a camel hump on her nasal bone. She went to a rhinoplasty surgeon (that’s what they’re called!) and was quoted a price of $16,000 to have the schnoze properly fixed, and this was in Canada! Imagine what poor House Crazy Sarah would have to pay in the U-S-A!
Anyway, House Crazy Sarah has long suffered the fate of having a big nose. She sometimes has little kids come up to her and say “you have a long nose.” She finds it interesting that they use the word “long” rather than BIG. It’s probably because House Crazy Sarah’s nose isn’t big or wide from straight-on, but the bridge is so high and narrow, it looks like a beak from side profile view.
House Crazy Sarah’s ex-husband taught their then very young children to say “Mom has a beak! Mom has a beak!”
Good thing House Crazy Sarah has a sense of humor. Otherwise her ex would be pummeled and her children would be Hansel and Gretel-ed.
She has come to terms over the years with her larger-than average face ornament. There could be worse lots in life. Like bigger than average cheekbones, breasts or pectoral muscles. Alas, us BNL’s must stick together and embrace this plus-sized appendage.
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